I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Randomize
