I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
