So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Screwed.edu
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
