the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
