I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
