Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
