my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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