Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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