just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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