Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
