I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
