I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
