this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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