I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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