Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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