This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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