my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
