Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
