fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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