Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
