So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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