So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
