That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
