Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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