I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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