she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
