i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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