I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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