I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
