well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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