i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
