A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
