I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
