I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
