good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
