i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
