That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
