well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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