Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
