You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
