and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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