You can't motorboat a personality
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
