After last night, I could never be a politician.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
