A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
