think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
