considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
