I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
