Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
