If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
