I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
