i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
false alarm, still single
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