He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
