If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
